Evan’s Steakhouse: A Roadside Marvel

Monday, December 7, 2009
By Louis Magnifico
Spotting this sign from the road, we just HAD to pull over for an impromptu Traveling Twosome visit.

Spotting this sign from the road, we just HAD to pull over for an impromptu Traveling Twosome visit.

As I mentioned before in our Water Lilies posting, sometimes we go out in search of a junket and sometimes the junket finds us.  Such was the case when Evan’s Steakhouse found us while traveling through Desoto County, Mississippi.  Char noticed the steakhouse as we were slowing at a traffic light turning red.  More so than noticing the steakhouse, she noticed their street sign.  Where most people put up plastic lettering that reads things like “Tuesday – Kids Eat Free” or “Try our 10 oz. Filet,” Evan’s sign instead said “A Man Ain’t Whipped Until He Quits.”  Needless to say, we HAD to pull over and do an impromptu Traveling Twosome visit.

While we didn’t eat at Evan’s – and didn’t even step inside – we got more than our heart’s content just walking around outside!  Perhaps one day we’ll venture inside and make this a two-part story.  Until then, enjoy what we discovered in and around Evan’s Steakhouse!

The first thing that stuck out to me was that Evan’s Steakhouse misspelled their own name.  They failed to use an apostrophe showing proper possessive form.  This is, after all, Evan’s steakhouse.  Or perhaps “Evans” is a last name – and rather than this being the steakhouse owned by Evan, it might be the steakhouse owned by John (or whomever) Evans. But then it should read Evans’ Steakhouse.

Hurry, hurry, step right up - test your skill and try your luck - take a guess and then we'll see if you can win a prize from me!

Hurry, hurry, step right up - test your skill and try your luck - take a guess and then we'll see if you can win a prize from me!

This little grammatical error would not have bothered me much had it not been for the proper usage of the apostrophe in the word “Ain’t.”  Had Evan (or Mr. Evans, whichever is the case) simply not known about apostrophes then I could excuse the whole mess… but since he used one in the word “Ain’t” which isn’t even a word, I had a moment of OCD overdrive.

Then there was the bag of urine hanging from the tree.  Or maybe it wasn’t urine.  I’m not sure what it was.  Maybe it was paint thinner.  Perhaps it was rainwater.  But there, hanging from a tree in the parking lot, was a bag of some fluid.  See the picture for yourself and let your imagination run wild speculating what this really was.  Like that old Alfred Hitchcock Hour episode of Ray Bradbury’s “The Jar” where the people came from all over to guess just what it was inside The Jar.  Let me state at this point, I do not blame nor give kudos to Evan’s Steakhouse for this hanging bag of something.  It was probably placed there by some passerby.  Evan’s should not be held liable for this visual we pulled up to.  But seeing it hang there, we had to blog about it.

Sorry, no cash allowed at Evan's Steakhouse!  I wonder if it applies to tips?

Sorry, no cash allowed at Evan's Steakhouse! I wonder if it applies to tips?

Then there was the restaurant frontage.  There were several signs hanging up across the front of the restaurant that got our attention.  How could they not… they were made of wood!  The first sign was most likely a first for a Mississippi restaurant.  It said “No Cash.” That’s right – they do not accept cash at Evan’s.  Cards only!  I wondered what might be said for the 16 year old kid who drives up after school for a quick bite of beef but has yet to establish credit or obtain a check card.  Will he go home hungry?  Will he cry?  How many boys and girls have shed brokenhearted tears as they left the parking lot with empty stomachs and full wallets?

Then there was the “A Man Ain’t Whipped Until He Quits” sign again.  They must really want to drive this point home.  Since it’s so important to Evan (or Mr. Evans), let me state it again for them and offer some commentary on their behalf.

A Man Ain’t Whipped Until He Quits.  First we are speaking of men.  Women might indeed be whipped before they quit, you see.  But a man?  Nope.  Not whipped.  Not men.  Not ever.  Not unless… they quit.  So – with this in mind – I have to ponder back to this weekend’s Main Event pool challenge.  Using this man’s logic, I was not whipped at pool because I didn’t quit.  I just kept playing until I was whipped by Char.  But since I kept playing and didn’t actually quit, I wasn’t whipped after all.  I’m not sure if this means I won or not.  I’ll have to check with Evan (or Mr. Evans) when Char and I finally dine there one of these days.  But my gut feeling after having been enlightened by Evan’s Restaurant is that I actually won the challenge after all!  Char will be so sad to learn she must hand the championship over to me.  OK – back to our education.  The final lesson to be learned is that if a man quits, he is indeed whipped.  I don’t think many whipped men enter Evan’s Steakhouse.  Not with that sign out front.  If he does enter, he enters at his own risk… for he is likely to leave with fewer teeth than when he entered.

They hire two full time employees just to keep changing the sign in the window every time a steak is served or returned.  And another part timer to chop the wood for all those signs.

They hire two full time employees just to keep changing the sign in the window every time a steak is served or returned. And another part timer to chop the wood for all those signs.

Enough with our lesson on whipping and quitting.  Let’s move on to the next topic.

Another sign in the window read “Steaks Served:  6,510.     Steaks Corrected:  28.”  Well, where do I begin?

First of all, I suppose the patron (or prospective patron) must be willing to actually take Evan (or Mr. Evan) at his word.  He also must wonder why Evan (or Mr. Evan) chose to put quotation marks around the 28 while 6510 was left unquoted.  Often times, quotation marks are used as a grammatical way of saying “so-called” or “approximately.”  I’m not sure this is proper English grammar but this is done.  So our next hurdle to overcome is to assume that someone who doesn’t understand the proper use of apostrophes can appropriately use quotations for approximations.  Maybe, for instance, he means 28 as an abbreviation.  Maybe it’s 2,800 steaks that have been returned.  Maybe he means about 28.  Plus or minus a thousand or so.  Who can know?

Next, I have to ask… since when?  6,510 steak served this month?  This year?  Since they opened?  Maybe it’s a combination.  Perhaps they’ve sold 6,510 since they opened and 28 were sent back today.

Or, maybe the first 6,510 steaks were served correctly and the last 28 (since the new cook was hired) were returned.  See how this could be misleading?

I’m just so confused…

But let’s take this as literally and simplistically as possible.  6,510 steaks have been served and 28 were sent back.  So this begs the question… is this sign really changed after every patron?  I have visions of new hires whose job it is to cut the new pieces of wood each day, take out the old Magic Marker and update the sign in the window every few minutes or so.

Now, this establishment isn’t new.  It’s been around a few years.  In fact, my little bit of research tells me it’s been around at least 7 years.  Let’s do some math, again taking the sign as literally and simplistically as possible.  6,510 steaks over seven years means Evan’s sells about 2.5 steaks per day.  Not 25.  I wrote 2.5.  In other words, about 1.27 steaks at lunch and 1.27 steaks at dinner.

The mind boggles at the ramifications.

Finally, there was one more curiosity about this joint.  The sign at the street read “Evans Steakhouse.”  The sign on the building read “Evans Cafe.”  A sign in the window read “Evans Home Cookin’.”  This doesn’t deserve any further commentary.  Some things are better left unwritten…

Char and I just might revisit Evan’s Steakhouse.  And if so, we’ll be sure to do some investigative work… such as make sure the sign has been changed to reflect the new number of steaks served and returned.

Until then, keep reading and enjoying our posts from Roadside America!

Yours truly,
The Traveling Twosome

Evan's Cafe or Evan's Steakhouse?  Depends on which sign you read...

Evan's Cafe or Evan's Steakhouse? Depends on which sign you read...

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6 Responses to “Evan’s Steakhouse: A Roadside Marvel”

  1. Diane Shaeffer

    Love it!!! When you go back for a meal, let us know–we’ll go along for the ride, and maybe a steak or 1.27!! 🙂

    Diane

    #124
  2. Will do! When we get the courage to enter the restaurant, we’ll let you know! lol

    #125
  3. Turd Ferguson

    Are you serious Clark?

    #131
  4. Laura Allmon

    Sounds to me like a resturant with an identity crisis! LOL

    And Louis…you have FAR too much time and thought put into this…REALLY! LOL

    #136
  5. The restaurant brought it on itself, Laura… LOL

    #138
  6. Mississippi Queen

    I’ve eaten there. Yall should try it.

    #147

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